Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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