You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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