there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
