Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
