I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
