It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
