At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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