first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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