Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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