Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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