I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
