when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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