It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
