he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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