my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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