Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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