so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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