Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
