She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We just shotgunned beers for America
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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