She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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