The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize