the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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