You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
