I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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