i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
