the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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