just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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