This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
