Can Purell be used as lube?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
