I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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