She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
