I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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