I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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