I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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