im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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