i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize