He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
