I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize