this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
