4 words: hood of his car
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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