I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
