Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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