Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize