3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
