I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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