you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize