I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
