I am puke
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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