so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
