I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
