This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
