it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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