..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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