I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
