Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
