and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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