I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How naked do you want me to be?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
