I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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