no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
