Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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